Overthinking What's Ahead
When you’re young, all you want to do is grow up. We want to be big kids and do all the things big kids do, like stay up late, go places without a parent, wear different clothes, etc. As a younger child, at least for me, I did not do much overthinking. It wasn’t until I got to middle school that I started to overthink everyday things like the idea of growing up. Maybe it was from the stress of school, piling together like a snowball rolling down a big, neverending hill, or maybe it was from the pressure to succeed. I found myself often upset with myself, angry that I had to work so much harder than everyone else around me to do the same things. I would think back to days when school was not so hard and my other responsibilities did not include emptying the dishwasher at home or taking out the trash. To me at that time I believed nothing could be harder than my everyday tasks; I wanted to go back to being little, when all I worried about was if my socks were matching, and what job I would pick to be at my preschool that day.
The pressure in middle school was high for me, especially in 8th grade. The teachers would not let us forget that the next year we would be entering high school and that teachers would no longer “hold our hands” like our current teachers did. The workload was heavy, the hormones for being a teenager were at their peak, and it became all too much for me. 8th grade was a hard year. At the time, I could not understand why it felt like I was not good enough, and did not do the same things my friends seemed to complete with ease. It was not until recently, as I am a sophomore in high school, I am beginning to realize that we all learn and go through life differently and that my worries aren't any less valid than others just because we react differently.
Now that I am in high school, I have different aspects of growing up to overthink. There is something new to fill my anxious void; college is the main stressor at this point. Many people around me tell me that since I am only a sophomore I do not need to worry about it, but I can't help but compile all of the dependent factors inside my mind. I must get good grades in order to get into college, and I must get into college and graduate to acquire a decent job, and I must have a well paying job to be a fully functioning adult. All of these milestones I am set to complete in the next ten years can not help but creep into my 15-year-old mind.
Furthermore, after I may have completed said milestones, I am expected to have a family. What if I don't find the “love of my life” and what if I can not parent my children the correct way? Then the thought of taxes started to roll in. Bills to pay, mouths to feed, and lives to keep up with. Even after those years have passed, the thought of dying seems to become closer and more real. Knowing that I will soon be leaving the people I have raised and formed relationships with is terrifying.
I now assume that at this point in reading, you too are a bit stressed out by my thought process. This chain of thoughts and events passes in and out of my head almost everyday. I tend to get caught up in the things that I have not experienced or come in contact with, making it harder for me to function. This is when I am at my peak insanity, fearing for the future without allowing myself to live freely in the present. In my most sane moments, I know that it will probably (hopefully) be okay, but for now, this is the thought of growing up, from the mind of an overthinker.
By Peyton Louie