Modern Marriage
When it comes to the process of marriage, getting engaged is the simplest part. Despite all of the nerves and preparation that come with getting down on one knee, nothing compares to the chaos that is planning a wedding. From deciding who will grace the guest list to paying that last check to the caterer, weddings often require at least a year to pull together. After securing the venue, finding the perfect dress, and putting the final touches on place settings, the last thing a burnt out couple wants to do is make more arrangements, even if it is for an exotic getaway.
Dating back to the fifth century, honeymoons have become a smooth transition into married life. After a beautiful ceremony and a reception surrounded by the most important people in their lives, the happy couple is whisked away on a vacation unlike any other that they will experience in their lifetime. The high of being newly married paired with the spectacular scenery of a new place leaves newlyweds pinching themselves in gratitude. However, executing the traditional wedding complete with vows, champagne popping, and an incomparable honeymoon is extremely taxing. Just as the notion of marriage is evolving, so is the concept of the honeymoon.
Irene O’Brien and Mel Maclaine enjoyed their honeymoon. Separately. With Irene on one side of the world and Mel on the other, there was nothing to argue about or share. Ms. O’Brien, 37, a stylist and writer elected to visit a friend in Canada, while Mr. Maclaine, 40, a golf and corporate photographer, jetted to France for a championship soccer game. With their wedding approaching, life grew more hectic by the minute, keeping Irene from visiting her friend who had just moved to Toronto, and making Mel want to spend his time doing something he loved: watching soccer. Instead of spending time arguing and trying to accommodate both their wants, the couple chose to vacation independently. While they ran back into each other's arms, delighted to be together and share their solo-moon stories, some experts say this may not be the case for every couple.
Helen Fisher, a senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, which researches relationships, said that taking separate honeymoons causes a couple to miss out on the first few newlywed milestones. Fisher’s research shows that when couples vacation together, three brain systems are triggered: romantic love, which activates the dopamine system, feelings of deep attachment, which are linked to oxytocin, and sex drive. In her opinion, even if you have been living with your partner for years, a wedding is still one of the biggest life transitions.
But should it be? Marriage used to be an unspoken requirement. This made a lot of sense once upon a time. Women did not have access to the workplace and needed financial security. Men could make a living, but needed children to carry on the family name. But now, women can provide for themselves and don’t need to be monetarily supported by men. And is reproduction really dependent on marriage anymore? As we progress as a society, more and more of the population seems to be ditching the nuptials. The marriage rate of adults has dropped to 48.6%, a huge decrease from the 72% that were married in 1960. Being walked down the aisle and taking the husband’s last name are somewhat outdated, so does that mean that the idea of marriage itself is too?
Our culture today is heavily interested in the way that people’s lives appear from the outside. In other words, our population relies on external validation and societal standards to let us know when we have achieved successful lives. A ceremony in front of family and friends that seals two people into a legal, life long partnership makes a relationship public and real in the eyes of others. While it may also be an important milestone and show of commitment in some relationships, marriage brings acceptance and respect within society, which is one thing that everyone constantly strives for.
The simple fact that in our modern world, many couples are choosing to forgo the traditional wedding shows that as a society, it is time that we redefine marriage. This definition will most likely be fluid, as marriage can now have different meanings to different couples. However, one thing should be standard: it is time that we stop getting married for status and start getting married for love.
By Rose Sanders