An Ode To Falling Asleep at Movie Theaters

I cannot remember the last time I’ve watched a movie at a movie theater. I’ve gone to the movies with friends and family in the past, but I always end up falling asleep. I never go in with the intention to fall asleep, but somehow I end up doing this every time. Movie theaters just provide the perfect environment for sleeping.

My local theater was renovated a few years ago from a standard theater to one with plush armchairs you preselect before you arrive. The buttery leather seats let you sink in as you plop down, allowing for maximum comfort. On the sides, you find a button that lets your chair expand, similar to a bed, setting the tone for the rest of the night.

After you’ve gotten comfortable in your seat, you are forced to sit through half an hour of commercials. The commercials range from network carrier ads to movie previews. By the time the movie’s started, I feel like I’ve gotten enough of my pop culture intake for the year.

Whenever I watch a show on Netflix with friends, the lights are always on to ensure I stay awake the whole time. When you go to the movies, the lights are left off to give you the optimal viewing experience. Personally, when I’m given the “optimal viewing experience,” I fall asleep.

Movies are often enjoyed at night or later in the day. As the day begins to wind down, my body gets tired. I always go to the movies during this initial phase of sleepiness.

Most people find the snack bar at the movies a difficult game to play. Will they enjoy an Icee or Snow Caps, a popcorn or a pretzel? For me, I walk right past the lit up snack bar with its mounds of sugary sweets awaiting me. This leaves me with nothing to satisfy myself with if I find the movie uninteresting.

I like to be doing something with my life at all times, and movies make me feel like I’m wasting my time. I’ve been known to put on a movie at my house, so I feel unproductive and clean my room. When I’m at the movie, I feel like I’m wasting my time by sitting in silence for two hours as a screen flashes before my eyes.

Before you invite me to the movies, be prepared to watch the movie and talk about it with the stranger next to you as I sleep through all of it. It would be much appreciated if you paid for my $10 nap next time I go.

By Sophie Kieffer